cowardice
last Christmas i gave you a blessing.
a blessing that will help you pass through tricky business out there in the wilderness.
i hope you bring it along with you whenever you go on trips. i want you home safely.
i have a vague idea what i want to give you for this Christmas.
but if you get it before Christmas comes,
then i guess i will have to go to Vatican for something more rare...
i just want you to know that i care alot about you.
oh! watched Miss Congeniality 2 with Doggie today!
so hilarious! sandra bullock is a damn joker. plus the polt was interesting so lotsa laughs!
ate so much popcorn till i was suffering from sugar high.
Doggie ate a terrible Ben & Jerry's ice cream of an unknown flavor. huggies my poor pooch.
Eileen said "life is a bed of roses. mine is exceptionally thorny".
she is such a pathetic worm!
when was life a bed of roses?
if it was, none of us need to study, find jobs or work! asshole!
and stop wallowing in self-pity!
everyone has their own small crosses to bear, trials to overcome and faith to be tested...
Don says i make him happy whenever i listen to his problems sometimes.
well... i don't understand his situation thou. about playing office politics etc.
but i am glad to alwiz be there as a friend to offer support =)
why ain't people happy with what they are already blessed with?
why do they seek things they cannot have?
why do people lack the guts and courage to say 'I Love You"?
why do people have no bravery to accept the truth?
why do people only want to hear and see things they selectively want to see or hear?
i find myself in the same position as Peter when he first walked into the empty tomb.
Peter boasted about loyalty and love towards Jesus. but during the last hours,
Peter denied Jesus and brought him to a terrible end.
Peter was guilty of betraying Jesus and being a coward.
would the Risen Christ be gracious enough to look not upon Peter's sins and grant him forgiveness? and take Peter back into His discipleship with love?
i find myself a coward. as much as i proclaim to "wanna be me... live life fully".
i have no guts to pursue my happiness nor confront my own doubts and fears.
i am a coward. i am a clam that won't open up.
then i will never find the pearl that i am looking for.
easter sunday
today's Easter Sunday!
i went to Church alone this morning. wow. church was so packed!
last year on the same sunday, i went to church with Jared.
Easter Sunday celebrates that Christ has risen!
the resurrection of Our Lord and our Savior Jesus Christ!
Christ is alive, He has conquered death and sins!
new life was given. but this time, it is everlasting!
Alleluia!
today's Mass was indeed a renewal of faith for me.
as i sang Alleluia, my eyes brimmed up with tears. there was an overwhelming of emotions.
i felt that God was really with me, and the Holy Spirit is in me.
that's the way it should be. but it should not be once a week i praise The Lord.
but i thank God for everything that i'm blessed with. my family, my love, my friends and me.
may i have the strength and courage to face trials and carry my cross.
at the end of it, i know the Christ is with me. Emmanuel.
i was suddenly injected with this anti-depressent while i was doing my work this evening.
suddenly felt depressed, lonely and disillusioned.
so many times today, i wished i hadn't walked out of Church.
i just wanted to stay there and be in His presence. in His Holy presence, i know everything is well.
Lord, please lift me out of my misery. please show me the way.
i am your lost sheep obediently waiting for your wise guidance.
school is fine. it's not studies that i'm stressed about.
generally, it's my life that i'm unhappy about.
how things fall apart like a crumbling cookie.
i can see my current relationship collapsing too.
i don't feel that i have somewhere or someone to belong to.
there's no sense of attachment or.... whatever.
i don't know how to say it, but i am jus unhappy.
maybe i expect too much, maybe i am not putting in enough effort.
too many 'maybe', too many 'if only' and too many 'i wish'...
eurology
came and gone was Good Friday.
went to Cathedral of Good Shepherd with Jared.
the Mass was indeed a renewal of faith.
a reminder that Christ the Son sacrificed himself to take away the sins of the world.
the death put forward by the Jews when Chirst claimed that He was King.
Pontius the good governor placed in a predicament.
the crucifiction in fulfilment of the scriptures.
Mummy's coming home today.
gonna chill out over coffee with Don at airport later tonight while waiting for Mummy.
don't need squeeze with people down town.
for now, gonna busy myself with Uncle Ho's assignment...
time to hit the much dreaded text.
tmrw's Easter Sunday.
He is born again, this time he enjoys eternal life.
He scends into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
for God's sake, pls stop asking me why i am not out with Josh during weekends!!!
1. he spends his saturdays in school to study and write essays.
2. he spends his sundays at home resting.
3. he is only free from 10-3pm during weekends.
i want to swim, beach volley, play sports, movie, go hike or something.
i'm ready for beach party anytime!
so please call me out if u want to. and stop asking me where is Josh or what he is doing.
we are 2 very different people, with 2 different time schedules and very different interests.
if there's one thing we do together, that's going to school together.
frankly, i have given up asking him out or planning an outing.
about him devoting all his time and energy to studies, i am happy for him.
i can no longer be bothered by the fact that we don't do anything spontaneous together.
c'mon, he doesn't even surprise me or plan any outing. he doesn't even date me out.
he only dates his books, essays and presentations.
call me unreasonable or not understanding. call me insensitive towards his needs.
but i firmly believe that couples need to participate in activities together so cultivate rship.
relationships are like trees. they need water, sunshine, air and fertilizers to grow.
they need to be trimmed to grow stronger.
time is what you make out of it.
be it studying at East Coast Park tog. be it playing tennis.
be it watching a free performance at Esplanade. do voluntary work at missionary homes.
all of us are students. but why do other couples have time to do the little things together?
if this is a perfect world, everything i believe in would be put into practice.
but this isn't a perfect world. so it won't happen.
anyway i have every right to live life that way i want it to be =)
call me selfish but i live in pursuit of a fulfilled life.
i don't want to die one day and realize that i've not lived life to its fullest.
i don't want my eurology to only praise me for being a conscientious student and a diligent worker.
i don't want to be remembered for how well i did in exams.
i want to remember when was the last summer i ran through the field of sunflowers.
i want to remember what i did that changed someone's life for the better.
i want to remember when was the last night i watched fireflies and glow-worms in the wild.
i want to live again the euphoric elation of having white-water raft down a rapid river.
i want to live again the adrenaline rush of sky-diving.
i want to be me.
wish
i can't remember how many times we've walked down the narrow winding path together.
but every walk is a walk to remember.
the skies are alwiz clear blue when you are around. the weather seems to share my cheer.
the birds soar into the skies, rising above the winds the as church bells chime.
the evening breeze sweeps my face as we run across the street braving the the oncoming cars.
as we sing hymns to praise the Lord, i wish they were the joyous hymns of our lives.
they are the hymns of our life indeed. through the baptism waters, we were blessed a new life.
as we receive the gospel together, i wish that 10 years down the road,
it'll still be us receiving the gospel but this time with our dear children. one family we will be.
as we walk down the aisle to receive holy communion,
i wish that i'll be wearing my wedding gown and walking down the aisle one day.
celebration of a holy matrimonial union, bowing before Our Lord as man and wife.
i wish to be a wonderful wife.
to love, respect and honour my husband. in sicknes or in health, in wealth or in poverty.
when i am ill, he is the one who sponges me down and caress my face so tenderly.
i wish to be a good mother.
to educate my children well, help them participate in catechism with committment.
trials and crosses we will bear, as we guide them to live Christ-like.
i wish to be a loving daughter.
to do my parents proud and provide for them in their old age.
i wish to be God's obedient child. i will allow my Heavenly Father to guide my way.
in a perfect world, everything will fall into place the way i want it to be.
but it isn't. so thing's won't.
snail mail
whoopee! finally finished my 12 page Sociology of Food Essay =)
so damn proud of myself!
i expected only to complete it on Good Friday itself.
i'm dying to go Phuture tmrw nite. Jared would be there! *wink*
but since my essay is done earlier than expected... *grins*
then i can only say... Well Done Kitty!
now only left peer-review and adding of citations.
yes... i have been on medical leave for 2 days. long time never had such a 'vacation'.
missed Irving's interesting Transvetite in Thailand lecture. missed his tutorial too *oh no...*
viral infection. been haveing sorethroat, cough and nasal pains since last Fri.
now on a course of anti-biotics. (together say "yucks")
i think it's the unpredictable weather, polluted air, lack of sleep and junk food that made me sick.
Grandma thinks i should start exercising more. goodbye to my sedentary lifestyle...
oh! my classical thai art drawing manual has finally arrived!
Mum probably posted it via snail mail.... crawled all the way to Singapore from Bangkok.
i don't want Irving commenting that i've drew the wrong dimensions again.
decided not to do a term paper on Southeast Asian Art either.
art portfolio due in 2 weeks. need to have 5 classical drawings mounted on 5 different objects.
it's gonna be a challenge...
and there's 1 more SPSS assignment to go.
have to do some cross-tabulation data thingy...
the worst part is this: i can only access the SPSS software at the comp lab at AS 7!
that means fighting with others for the limited lab seats! Fcuk...
hahah! Eileen got lost today. she took the wrong bus and ended up at Kent Vale.
and nearly got knocked down by vehicle coz she wasn'y paying attention.
so much for being a 2-yr NUS hostelite... =P
Joshua decided to devote one whole day to me.
but it's postponed to infinity. hahah. it's called Kitty Day!
thin cat fat dog
*kitty rolls on the floor*
exhausted physically and mentally.
*crawls crawls*
no longer an energetic bouncy kitty.
didn't sleep well last nite!
aching all over now. fighting my sleep in lecture...
darn. got an appointment with my dentist later this evening.
bloody sensitive teeth. now i am abstaining from hot, cold, sweet or rich foods.
ouch. i pray that it's not tooth decay though...
got another 2000 words to go for my sociology of Food essay.
at least i have started... =)
yawn. hopefully it'll be done miraculously by Fri 8pm. whoosh!
then can head down to Phuture to party or something... Alleluia!
Josh's lappie broke down. so he's staying in school to do his essays...
that means i must go home alone, back to my own house and sleep alone.
cannot hide in Doggie's clean cool kennel. oh no. kitty sad sad.
i like sleeping on his bed, very comfortable. with him beside me, i feel safe and secure.
though Doggie is not fantastic. he is round pudgy and old.
he talks a whole lot of crap and acts baby-ish.
he's my lovable fluffy dog! so comfy to just snuggle in his fats and feel warm..
jewellery
a long long time ago at the far end of the universe,
i came across this piece of jewellery in the display case of a shop.
it was only piece of that design, of that gem in that shop.
i love jewellery. they are beautiful and studded with precious stones.
but certainly, one must have fate with that jewellery.
they can't be bought by money or forcefully owned.
i was given the chance to touch that particular piece and admire it.
i even had a chance to wear it for awhile! i've never felt so honoured...
but i never knew whether i looked good with that jewellery.
no one has ever seen me wearing it. no one could comment.
but what mattered to me most was that i loved it.
unfortunately, it wasn't meant for me.
i couldn't buy it. i couldn't afford it.
and it wasn't glittering the way a piece of expensive jewellery should when i wore it.
so the shop keeper took it off my wrist and put it back into the display case.
a long long time later,
i went back to the same shop. but that piece of jewellery had been bought by someone else.
i felt envious. to a certain extent i was jealous of the new owner. why couldn't it be me?
i was not content to just see that piece of jewellery. i wanted to own it. i wanted to have it.
the combination of an unfulfilled desire and jealousy had the ability to make life miserable.
right now. i have my own piece of unique jewellery.
it is not anything expensive or fancy.
it is just an average looking piece, without any studded precious stones.
not something that people will be envious about.
i never wanted it that much.
it just happened that the shop keeper insisted that i should have it.
it looks compatible on me. it complements my short comings thus making me shine.
well... guessed i've grown accustomed to it through the months.
we'll see. maybe i'll lose it one day. maybe i'll pawn it. maybe i'll just return it the shop keeper.
maybe i'll just continue wearing it for a long time to come.
LC just put his jewellery back into the displace case.
mixed nuts
it was a wonderful evening yesterday.
first i watched Sponge Bob Square Pants the movie.
Joshua wanted to watch it before it officially opened.
well. it was cute. took lotsa scenes from other movies.
it was rather humourous. alot of lame jokes.
i find myself identifying with tyrannic autocratic King Neptune.
iron fist rule! Michele is my humble royal adviser.
Joshua of coz is the 'someone' i need to 'execute' everyday =)
then met Mensa clique for dinner. i hate Suntec's parking system!!!
for her saboh surprise, we tricked Elaine into eating a wasabi-filled pistachio macaroon.
joshua's idea! he wanted to give her something green so the wasabi can be well camouflaged.
and finish half bottle of lettuce juice. green green veggie juice by the shot!
good for complexion and health! helps detox the body!
hahah.. bet she is so gonna remember her 21st bday celeb =P
made up for all the lost vitamins and phytochemicals she missed out on last 21 years...
we had seafood pasta and pizza with mushroom and bacon.
very delicious! very filling! but most importantly, the company was right!
another of our nice warm Mensa Clique outings. hugs pea-ple! huddle in a pod!
it was at Bakerzin. hee. once again, i made a booboo. didn't inform Muck of the right time.
so sorry Muck! nex time i must remember to tell u the right day, right time, right place =/
and my digicam was dry on battery!!! boohoohoo! cannot take pix!!!
Pris doesn't love us anymore. she promised tt she will come but in the end, she didn't...
the cake was lovely. it looked pretty. and it was very rich and chocolatey!
raspberry chocolate cake. wow... glad Elaine liked it.
so we've heard. her 1st cake spelt her name with extra alphabet E.
thus it was Elainee.
this time, she got one that reads "happy 21th birthdat girl".
tell me about spelling errors. link to http://novocaine-03.blogspot.com for more pix!
Elaine liked her presents.
1 E shot glass.
1 can of mixed nuts. (mensa clique are made of of nuts.)
1 purple flower motif bag.
1 card.
1 heart-shaped glass pendant with necklace.
ultimately, it was an awesome nite! i really enjoyed myself!
thanks Joshie dear for 'running errands' and accompanying Kitty this evening. huggies!
************
today was a disappointing day.
went down to Zara, MNG and FCUK.
nothing i find really suitable. sob.
but it was nice still.
walking with Joshua down Orch, having Dim Sum and looking at clothes together.
so sweet~ hugs Doggie!
why human why
human are walking contradictions.
they are disorientated and disillusioned.
they experience frustration coz they chose to be with unhappiness.
we often clearly define what we want in our partners.
: sweet, loving, understanding, giving etc.
yet we choose to be people who are demanding, unapologetic, and wilful.
as time passes, conflictsand tempers arise frequently.
it comes to the point when we no longer know who made who angry first.
believe me, it becomes a weekly routine.
then again, we do not want to be with people who understands us most.
we know that they love us, they will understand and give in to us willingly.
however they are boring and not exciting. they lack the X-factor.
sometimes, we think that they're too good for us anyway...
so we choose those who are gorgeous, exciting and stubborn.
we choose those who oppose us and impose their wills on us.
definitely we will be happy when everything goes well,
but what happens when the going gets tough?
therefore people who love you without expectations are forever forgotten in the shadows.
people you choose to love will be those showered in glitzy limelight.
life will be a frustrating unhappy vicious cycle till the day you let go of control.
till then, men/women will be nothing but trouble.
good guys are suckers for horrible girls.
good girls are hurt by bastards.
don't ask where the good people are.
open your eyes and see beyond the mask of reality.
testimonial
i love my doggie!
my Joshua! all mine!
he bought me a pair of Oakleys. with cute flowers at the side.
it was a surprise. i know he had that idea but i didn't think he would really buy it.
well, it doesn't fit my face. miu. looks 'funny'. my nose bridge is too low to hold it in place!
then again, it's the thought that counts right? hugs.
i really admire and appreciate him.
he is one of those rare people who can tolerate my quick temper.
i alwiz scold him for being childish and lame. i snap at him often.
i complain about everything... from thw hot weather to having nowhere to go.
and he takes it in his stride. surely he will growl but after that, he will kiss kiss me.
i am so sorry darling!
no matter how tired he is, he will still send me home.
he alwiz gives in to my demands. i hardly give in to his requests.
i want to be in control and appear strong though i may be crying inside.
i make myself turn a blind eye to the sweet loving things Joshua stands for.
while other people beside me see his love ever so clearly, i reject them coz of pride.
i take his patience, tolerance and givingness for granted.
though Josh is indeed childish.
he cracks the lamest jokes. he is witty.
he talks alot of shit.
he is highly indecisive about daily actitivites.
he has a bad time management.
he is not mascular nor masculine.
he loves to irritate me by doing things i dislike.
he has a high sex drive.
and i often cannot stand him.
i don't know why am i still stuck with him either.
yeah, i do love him at times, sometimes i dislike him.
sometimes i just want to shut him up.
most of time i just want to hug him and snuggle in bed.
i love being around him and being with him.
just the two of us in our own world. provided that parents are not at home.
coz i really mean ALONE.
though there are many other better guys around.
i am alwiz gushing about Jared. about how fashionable and understanding he is.
i am alwiz gushing how handsome and fit how the IVP swimmers are.
i am alwiz gushing how intellectual and caring Don is.
but deep down i know that Joshua is the suitable one for me.
he is the person whom i can fall asleep peacefully beside, knowing that he will love me.
he is the one i can play with, have fun with, be childish with and snuggle with.
end of the day, it's overlooking his fashion disasters and immatured behaviors,
appreciating his faithfulness, honesty and love sweet love.
i love Joshua.
i have faith that we will make it through. cheers!
it's in the air
Irving just did it again. he really loves to call me up coz i'm half Thai... like him.
made me go up the board to draw lotus in front of the class. again.
expectedly, i drew the wrong lotus. hahah.
it looked like a lotus, but i added the lines at the wrong places. opps.
i'm so gonna screw my art portfolio term assignment. damn.
visit www.thepatissier.com!
look at those bea-u-ti-ful cakes! so gorgeous!
from the traditional chocolate fudge and fruity strawberry shortcakes,
to new fushions like red bean green tea cake.
surely there's something to suit everyone's taste.
oh! the weddings cakes are so lovely too! so pretty!
that leads me to the point. we don't need to study that hard or that much.
The Patissier is opened by 2 sisters. they were ex-lawyers with a few years of experience.
they left their law career and went into baking. and made lotsa money =)
need another example of lawyer-turned-patissier?
visit www.bakerzin.com. opened by an ex-lawyer called Daniel Tay.
but he is also a trained pastry-chef. see? multi-talented.
now they have 5 outlets all over the island. you can order their cakes online.
the Chocolate Amer and Tiramisu is fantastic.
the Coeur Noir is heavenly!!! rich in chocolate and brandied cherries!
wow.
hey, i am not paid to endorse their products lah.
just that i eat alot albeit my small frame. and i love gourmet cakes.
does it make sense???
by the way, don't try the Mango Mousse and Fraiser at Bakerzin. funny tasting.
*********
to: someone who wears the Taxidermist shirt
many things have changed around us.
that's why there are many words we can't say to each other now.
i think that is respect. respect obligated towards our other-half.
but surely, what is between has not changed. or ever will.
just that we have a different status now. self censorship we practice.
many things i don't want to tell you. they are unhappy, frustrating matters.
as much as we are close friends, as much as we share our feelings,
these negatives ones are those i chose to keep to myself.
simply coz i don't want to bother you.
i just want you to be happy and freed of worries =)
he-bitch
guys do bitch. they so love to bitch.
was on the internal shuttle bus today.
there were 2 guys who were so bitchy!!!
first they bitch about their CAP score, got envious about those who did better than them,
and then bitch those on dean's list as muggers!
fuck you. lazy say lazy. or admit that u're stupid lah.
i wonder why NUS guys alwiz talk about school and studies.
fucking have no life of their own.
alwiz talking abt masters deg and civil service jobs.
good for them. go slave for government for next 30 years. rat's life.
have fun sucker!
little wonder why i never liked any guy from NUS for as long as i have been here.
they just don't appeal to me.
many speak chinese. many are egoistic and full of themselves. many are nerds.
sorry people, NUS stinks.
since it stinks, then why am i still in NUS?
coz my parents have no money to send me abroad. simple as that.
i am now bidding my time to leave after my deg. damn.
i am sick and tired of Spore. really tired. really sick of this place...
great. Josh slept in school the whole day practically.
zzz in lecture, zzz in canteen, zzz on the way home.
didn't really talk to him since he was sleeping.
poor boy. been drowned in readings that he forgot to sleep.
and he can't skip school coz his Mum doesn't allow him to.
neither can he go home early to rest.
this coming october, singaporeans will be issued new passports with new numbers.
wow. a new set of numbers to remember. why can't they fucking leave it as the I/C no.?
bloody gonna bill us for a new passport anyway. F-U-C-K.
if they want to make our passport more difficult to fraud,
why not use come technological gizmos than gimme MORE digits to rem?
oh well. spent my whole evening walking the length of Orch with Michele today.
i am so tired, legs feeling so weak... miu miu.
shit. so much work left to do.
tmrw got Irving's lesson again. Wed got SPSS data set management,
haven't even read my notes! haven't even printed them out!!! much less do the required readings...
*stressed*
sex on the table
watched The Royal Tetenbaum on tv last nite.
it's a satire of reality.
a father neglects his family for 18 years and now wants to make up for it.
he finds himself rejected by the family despite faking it ill.
his wife is in a new relationship.
his adopted daughter lives a messy life.
his son is a widower.
and his other son was in love with his adpoted daughter.
the movie was funny but touching.
it touch on issues such as drug abuse, self denial, disillusion, monetary greed etc.
pretty much a thinker. contrary to being simply a comedy.
it ends with the Dad dying of heart attack in the arms of the son who hated him.
made me think much more about my family.
how will i handle if my Dad suddenly died?
will i be filled with anguish and regrets that i never got to spend enough time loving him?
my Mum met with an traffic accident 6 years ago.
i nearly lost her. it was a rude awakening.
haven't we taken our family for granted?
we come home daily knowing that they will be there to recieve us.
we take it for granted that our parents don't go out of jobs, that we alwiz have a car, we alwiz can pay our bills and have extra to shop or dine. we never expect the unexpected.
i take my Grandma for granted to a large extent.
i expect my bath-water ready at 8.30am and my breakfasy packed by 9am daily.
i never took the initiative to make breakfast for her on the other hand.
neither have i had the guts to think how will i handle the news of her death.
it's a very harsh reality. maybe it's time i start being nicer and warmer to my family.
i cut my hair. realized it's too short for beauty!!! *horrified expression*
it makes my face too wide... hair dresser cut it too wispy at the sides.
now i look 'funny'. therefore, i am not gonna meet Jared these couple of weeks.
don't want him to laugh at me =/
he's staying in camp anyway. air men training. good luck baby!
cool. NTU revamped itself.
teamed up with NAFA. offering a art-media-creativity sch.
also biomedical engineering to come. exciting choices.
unlike NUS. so stale and dull. the bureaucracy itself is an anal pain.
NUS is also becoming a CHINA town in it's own right.
left, right, center you turn. you'll run into those 'china' talents.
"ching chong ching chong" rings through the corridors. scary...
yes, they've infiltrated Arts as well. boo hoo.
i have a question generated while watching News 5 tonite.
they now have a Vilivar pill made of traditional chinese medicine.
supposed to aid penile erection and bedroom performance.
well... as much as it's supposed to work like one and make men feel 'energetic'.
does that mean that men will perform better in bed? aka satisfying women.
there's not much of a help if you can last longer but you don't know how to use your whip. right?
bedroom performance is not only about lasting longer and having more orgasms.
i believe strongly that it involves whole lot of emotional intimacy as well!
a process of loving. a process of mutual discovery. a process of mutual satisfying.
i finally now understand what it means by making love only gets spicy when you're old.
because it's only after so long then you've come to familiarize with what your loved one enjoys.
when was the last time any of us had men whispering sweet loving words into our ears?
or been hugged through the nite while sleeping, knowing we are in safe arms?
when was the last time we kissed his earlobes from behind?
or told him that he's still as sexy as we first met him years ago?
i don't know. i can't remember. probably's been a very long time...
it's sad. loving someone, appreciating someone is a daily affair.
calling each other, sms-ing caring msgs, being there for each other.
even words like "baby, i miss you" can be such a delight when recieved.
but in today's fast pace society, it seems like we even hardly have time to express our love...
dinner tables are often a site of conflict instead of the much-believed sit of family cohesion and solidarity. dinner tables are where parents question their children about their studies; drill them in table manners; squabble over what to eat etc. the atmosphere is tense and uncomfortable.
we all suppose that the family dinner should take place in a relaxed and harmonious atmosphere; we can be ourselves and resist social norms wrt eating behaviors; we can eat what we want etc. but how many times have we been caught in a spot whether to eat with the family due to all sorts of reasons? but there are also occasions that we enjoy going out eating as a family; Mum and maid can be relieved from their routine mundane cooking work; we can choose what we would like to have. therefore though the context is one of eating outside, the family continues to reinforce its cohesion and solidarity through the eat of eating together.
oh well. it's been a lazy weekend altogether.
i slept for 14 hours and yet i still feel lethargic.
my Dad says that i am just feeling lazy. hee. didn't do any work..
time to get energized for a new hectic week! *runs around the house*
You and i both
Jason Mraz - You And I Both.
it's a sad song and yet is something close to my heart.
a song replayed over and over again in my disoriented head everyday.
"and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang
you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words."
**********
the nex R&B Rap dirt i am swinging to : Get Right by J Lo.
it's on radio! i didn't rip it off the net k?
as much as i am envious of her body and i dislike her, i love her songs!!!
they bump! those collaborations with Usher, P Diddy, Jar-Rule etc... *swoons*
i wonder if i am a closet 'Minnah'... hahah!
R&B just makes me just wanna dirty dance with special someone...
grinding against him while keeping the distance, staying sexy but not slutty.
kissing and biting gently on the lips, holding to his waist and flirting with him.
*snap*
okay. enough of fantasizing.
maybe i'll just get her new album. maybe i won't.
maybe i'll do skincare and facial mask this weekend. maybe i won't.
lotsa maybe. but since they are just maybes of 'wills' and 'won'ts'.
they wil alwiz be the potential 'maybe'. pointless to even mention.
the same logic applies to many things in life.
had a great dinner tonite. was at Chip Bee Gardens. advanced celeb for Josh's birthday.
Da Paolo never fails my expectations. went to their Pizza Bar. wow. lovely ambience.
nothing beats sitting under the open blue skies, feel the breeze in my face.
admire the wavering flicker of the tea candle. enjoy my advocado-mango salad. nice.
had a Chef's Special. was Josh's idea. hmmm.
- italian sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes, mozerella cheese. and fried calamaris.
you know what? i alwiz have this thought.. hee.
chef's special means that they're clearing the fridge and need get rid of what's near expiry.
and doesn't mean that it's on discount anyway...
too bad by the time we're done, we didn't have space for dessert.
their Tiramisu is orgasmatic. better than sex, anytime.
High Stakes
had a haircut and 4 scoops of ice cream at Orchard today =)
one of those rare occasion when i allow myself to indulge in sweet sinful stuff.
hahah. i really do love Gelato and NZ Natural Ice Cream *salivates*
Haagen Daaz is too expensive while Ben & Jerry's melt too fast.
i am a conservative. i stick to traditional flavours of dark chocolate and cookies & cream.
i am boring. i don't like peanut butter or sticky cookie dough ice cream. *frowns*
did i tell you that i love zucchinis?
yah, that green cucumber-looking thingy.
now you know. i love zucchinis! esp when they are grilled. so yummy!
and i love fresh green salads with balsamic vinegrette.
did you know?
kiwis, cherries, and all sort of berries are rich in Vit C and anti-oxidants? enjoy!
with that casino debate going on on channel newasia.
i am against the casino idea in singapore.
well, one is coz i am catholic. technically, it's morally detrimental.
gambling encourages greed, self-indulgence and wastefulness.
i have been to casinos in HK and Australia.
i'm very impressed by Star City Sydney and Crown Melborne!
it's more than a casino. there's cafes, restaurants, theaters, musicals, cabaret performances etc.
it's fun and interesting. there's lot to do and see. it's a damn big and luxurious hotel as well.
but in Singapore, no one is going to come for the sole purpose of gambling. duh.
similarly, singaporeans do not go to HK or wherever with the only aim of gambling.
it's the whole vacation experience. eat, shop, relax, play a few rounds.
and if they intend to have a casino in addition to attarct convention visitors,
well. conference visitors are not high-risk gamblers. they are attending a conference.
they will be tired and busy. they will visit the casino, for novelty's sake.
and no one is gonna let you gamble the roulette for $2, unlike buying Toto.
oh. Gabriel is getting me a new Bible. yay!
the Good News Version. heard that is friendlier for beginners.
i quite like the New King James too. nvm. safer to stick to a Catholic approved one.
thanks guy!
wanted to Phuture tonight. pity that no one was interested. a start to a boring weekend.
Jared's broke so leeching on girlfriend. Johnny's playing mahjong in slippers.
Huiling's home doing work. i was waiting for my mobile to heave a sign of life.
damn. i miss ending the wild nite with Limpkin Park - Jay Z's Encore.
"'cause you and i both love, what you and i spoke of ..." -Jason Mraz
well. i guess i am alwiz bored. that's why i need someone spontaneous and fun-loving.
believe me. i am not a pessimistic moody grouch. i am grouchy only coz i'm bored.
i like to have people to 'lead' me (by force or persuasion). lift me up!
i don't ask for a lot of stuff. i don't need material things.
i am only asking for someone who has the zest for living a fulfilling life.
like swimming, beach bum -volley, picnic and listen to concert in the park.
cooking at home together, painting a doodle, or even washing the car can be made fun.
just the simple joys of couplehood. no, chilling out at home before tv is not my kinda fun.
i really don't enjoy watching tv. it's totally mindless. movies are okay since they are occasional.
i am someone who loves the great outdoors (read: only when weather's great)
as long as you can interest me with your suggestion.
bottomline: i am not a sedentary animal. i need to move around and be entertained.
nex week. gotta run a trip to ACM to appreciate artifacts and prep a short presentation.
otherwise have to do Commodification of Art. either Peranakan or Thai art.
okay. i am enjoying what i am doing now. anthropology of Southeast Asian Art.
Irving scolded me on Wed. i came late so missed the first part of instructions.
ended up drawing the wrong thing. what pissed him off?
i used a ruler to draw a right-angle triangle... ...
lesson learnt: never be late for Irving's art lesson.
the best part?
i handed in the wrong assignment. he wanted 5 of the same motif in a row.
i gave him 5 individual pieces. not gonna imagine what he's gonna remark nex week... till then.
impression management
finally it's the weekend again.
but i don't have anything to look forward too, except for Church. maybe.
jus realized i had completely misunderstood my emotions term assignment expectations.
hahah. blame it on my scatter brain. i didn't bring the instruction sheet to sch.
urgh. got a bad urge to go drinking tis weekend.
anyone interested? I NEED TO CHIONG!!! *runs around hysterically*
oh well. i am not a club-addict but just in need of some fun after all the brain-eye coordination.i need some poison in my bloodstream. pump up the adrenaline.poison to clear my head and hopefully gain some inspiration outta the glass of intoxication.got to do another interview. this time on emotional labour and impression management.yepz, done with elderly care-giving finally. need time, space and inspiration to get into the mood.before that, gimme a Chivas Orange. Hennessy with green tea is great too.okay... so Johnny found out my penchant for gourmet chocolates.shhh... don't need tell everyone abt my $8 bar of VALRHONA =Pdark chcolate laced with candied orange rinds. no, i don't take milk chocolates. i don't eat Kit Kat or Cadbury's or Ferrero Rocher.hee. go figure abt my preferences.i wanna go on vacation! not now lah. probably in May or something.suddenly thought of Shanghai. never been to that cosmopolitan city.really want to go take a look but i heard that it's expensive.Beijing sounds good too! rich cultural heritage. yepz! must take photo at Tiananmen Square!about nex week... gonna start on SPSS statistics crunching. wish me luck.
March right in
there was a father and 4 yr old son at Mass last Sunday.
before Eucharist started, the boy wanna pee so bugged his Dad to bring him to washroom.
he walked to the aisle and raised his arms up, so adorable!
implying that his Dad should carry him.
his Dad pouted but carried him anyway. so heart-warming!
admittedly, the thought of having your own family is very attractive.
a loving and responsible husband. adorable children.
laughter and warmth fills the house as the children return home from school,
and my husband comes home from work. lounge around after dinner, play with the dog.
then we'll attend Church together on Sundays.
but of course, this utopian ideal can only be postponed till i meet the right guy.
the one whom i want to marry and have children with.
suppose to meet Pieter today but he's not free at the last minute.
supposed to meet Michele today but she's unavailable by the time i was done.
so here i am at home blogging away. my doggie is wobbling somewhere beneath the sofa.
it's a Wed evening and i have no plans. blame it on my small social circle.
probably gonna dig into my work. need to edit some stuff and draft others.
the truth is i don't have alot of time to go out and socialize. i'd rather be home resting.
when i do have time (finally), i just want to chill out in bed and read a novel.
as compared to squeezing people and getting squashed at clubs and such.
maybe i should join some sports club or something instead of consistent mugging. damn.
i may seem busy but hell, it's not that busy. i just take my sweet time to do hmwk. hahah!
Elaine's 21st birthday in 5 days. yay!
firstly, we are going to give her a belated celeb coz the guys ain't free this week.
secondly, we haven't made plans as to how to surprise her or what to buy for her.
somehow, i have this strong feeling that we WILL end up lumping her birthday with Marcus's.
*evil laughter*
Joshua's birthday in 2 weeks nicely.
ermm... i haven't got him present or planned any surprise yet. .. *horrified expression*
i don't think he needs anything material. he has whatever he needs already.
he doesn't have skincare, but he doesn't use skincare either!
oh well. probably wil do the usual 'romantic' dinner and chill out somewhere.
my parents are coming back end of this month! yay!
thankfully they're coming back seperately though. peace man!
i better do more hmwk now so can spend more time with them =)
anyway, this is an edited blog. hahah.
i wrote sth about the difference in expectations between husband and boyfriend earlier on.
but decided that it was too politically insensitive...
CLOSER
CLOSER is a great movie. i really enjoyed it.
Johnny, thanks of watching it with me!
it's a subject close to home but we hardly spend enough time thinking about it.
pay attention to the dialogues. very witty and laden with hidden meanings.
wel, there's not much of action and adventure. but the 4 gorgeous cast should suffice.
CLOSER is about 4 strangers. 2 males, 2 females.
they believed in love in first sight.
thus formed 2 couples.
1 couple got married. 1 stayed together.
but what followed was a game of seduction, deceit and betrayal.
extra-marital affairs, sleeping around, hurting people who love you.
that resulted in a near divorce and a break-up.
what i learnt:
people will hurt those who love them for the sheer pursuit of 'happiness'.
human are selfish. they are self-interest motivated.
and they won't feel sorry or guilty actions.
men love to fuck their wives like a whore.
they enjoy visiting strip-clubs. they fantasize about sex.
the only thing men compete seriously in is their sexual prowess. (can i make her cum?)
and some women loved being fucked like a whore. (read: paid to be fucked)
how do you win your seperated wife back?
by fucking her behind her lover's back.
that will make him oh-so-jealous. see? job done.
men are territorial creatures. go cum on their territory.
how to make a woman cry?
steal her man. kiss him. make him desire you. make him want you.
play the game.
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Love is alwiz beside us, just that we never acknowledge it.
Love has never left our side, it is close to us. but we simply take it for granted.
we seek what we think catches our fancy. we go for the beautiful glitzy things.
but we neglect the love that's lingering beside us. the one playing the solo melody.
while watching CLOSER, i identified with all 4 characters.
everyone of us would have met and will encounter the same situations that the 4 characters did.
we will face the same conflicts, dilemme and temptations.
will we succumb to desire or believe in our willpower?
will we end up with the one we love and loves us, or due to our insatiable greed...
end up with no one at all?
Love is so mysterious.
sometimes, we can travel round the whole world.
spent many years with many different partners.
only to find ourselves back with the one we started out with.
well... good things are worth waiting for.
Love is.
